What is an introvert? There’s no universal definition of what it means to be introverted. There is an introversion spectrum, meaning one person’s introversion might present differently. One might enjoy social interactions with others, while another may not.
Since I was little, I’ve always been considered a quiet, shy girl to classmates, friends, and family. Eventually this expanded to co-workers and my significant others. As a teen, I spent a lot of time online, using sites like Tumblr, where I met many people around my age who were also considered shy and quiet to those around them.
Growing up, I struggled with self-confidence and severe social anxiety. I couldn’t talk to strangers, especially if they were male. I didn’t start ordering my own food at restaurants until I was well into my teens. Blushing, feeling my face grow hot, and stammering were a part of my everyday life. I felt a lot of pressure from those around me in real life to act more extroverted, to socialize and interact with the world around me. But I didn’t feel comfortable at all. It was exhausting because I just wanted to be like everyone else and to be able to socialize with people normally.
Watching movies and TV shows was an escape for me. It allowed me to interact with groups online but also gave me characters that were relatable. I identified a lot with the likes of Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls and Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
The characters were shown as smart and enjoyed reading. They had their small group of friends that they were comfortable with but also showed that large groups of people or strangers could make them uncomfortable. It was really inspiring seeing these characters grow into more confident and outspoken people.
But there are also downsides to the media’s portrayal of shyness and being an introvert. When I was younger, the depictions of what being introverted felt true but as I became older I realized that the characters were presented through an extroverted lens. Introverts are misunderstood. We are seen as people that are quiet and afraid of what others would think of them for speaking up. We escaped to other worlds by reading books or playing video games and oftentimes, identified with others online more than face to face conversations. Sometimes it was dismissed as being depressed or we don’t know how to have fun or we think we’re better than everyone else. Some forms of media even gave the shy, introverted girls makeovers by others to “fit in” or to “be normal”. It’s harmful to assume that introverted people can be fixed and conform to society’s view of how someone should act or that if someone opens up a little, that they’ll come out better for it.
As extroverted viewers watch this media and see how the characters are presented, they are given a picture that sometimes might not be accurate. The reality is that introverts are not the same. We are not the same. The way I feel or my experience with being introverted won’t be the same for someone else.
Like the characters in my favorite TV shows, I have grown in confidence and have become more outspoken. I can order my own food at restaurants, create small talk, and feel more comfortable hanging out away from home. But I still have my anxiety ridden, introverted tendencies. I love to read my books, enjoy quiet nights in, and have my alone time to recharge.